Jemileh Nour

On Energy

2012-03-02T07:59:00.001-05:00

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”
~Jill Bolte Taylor

I just read that quote on a friends status update.

It inspired a thought (brace yourselves!)

When you’re an introvert, as I am. And shy, as I am (shut up! I know! Doesn’t mean I’m not shy!)

This can be a difficult concept to grasp. As an introvert, often we are unaware of the impact that our presence has on the world around us.

I’m typically a quiet person who hangs out in the back, I don’t draw a lot of attention to myself and try to stay our of people’s way. So I usually think people are unaware of me.

In a classroom setting, a studio setting, or anywhere that I am NOT the center of attention, you know, being Jemileh, I think I’m pretty much invisible.

I was very profoundly touched by the friends who have come around, who did indeed notice me and who cared about me in my darkest days.

In any case, one day about a year ago or so, when I was more in control of my emotions and able to interact more or less in what had become my new normal, I went to a day long training.

On my way to that training, I accidentally erased the very last message that my partner had left on my cell phone. I had faithfully kept this message and listened to it whenever I needed to hear his voice.

I had a major meltdown. I was sobbing hysterically as I called T-mobile and begged them to restore the message (they couldn’t) until the operator who tried to help me was also in tears.

I continued into my training, an interactive one where the trainees were people who worked with those with brain injuries as well as people who were hired to present them with services.

I tried to stay in the back. I had to share a table with a gentleman who had previously had a normal lifem until an electrical accident at work had caused him to lose consciousness and hit his head, leaving him with a significant brain injury from which he would never regain his normal level of functioning.

So I’m sitting around, struggling with how to manage my renewed feelings of loss and how to continue my day, let alone my life and this man, who had lost his wife, his child, his home, his job and everything that he felt had made him who he was, spent several hours trying to cheer me up.

Imagine that.

I’d like to say that I looked at myself and was adult enough and unselfish enough to reward this person’s kindness.

No. I’m still me, even staring in the face of my own limitations.

I was not cheered. His ability to be cheerful in the face of his own loss was not inspiring to me. I was too sunk in the morass of my own pain and loss.

I finished my training, of which I learned not a thing, and went back to work.

I walked into an office, where there was laughter and people were cheerfully doing their work and it was like a lead bomb.

I headed into my corner, and started my day.

Where before there was lightness and joy, darkness now reigned.

Boy, I can be melodramatic.

Anyway, people went back to work, but there was no lightness, there was dragging to the day. My supervisor pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong.

I told her, and her response was why did I come into work? Why hadn’t I taken the rest of the day off?

My response was that just because I was miserable didn’t mean that I couldn’t work, after all, I had been doing that since M had passed away.

She asked me why hadn’t I thought about what I was doing to the rest of the team? That it had been a difficult couple of months for the group and had taken a great deal of effort for people to come to some sort of equilibrium.

I was stunned, why didn’t people understand my pain? Why didn’t they take that into account? And for an introvert, dude, I was stunned that *my* pain would be enough to bring the whole office down and that they wouldn’t be able to ignore me.

I try not to be selfish and to consider how my actions impact others, but being told, and reprimanded no less, about my *energy* was stunning to me.

So. No real deepness to this post, just as light occasionally dawns on Marblehead, this quote, randomly seen on Facebook, has helped me to *get* this concept.

On the Sisterhood of Dance

2012-02-21T08:19:00.000-05:00

I wrote the following post in February 2007.

I re-read it this morning and it still seems relevant. Mind you, this particular post was not inspired by anyone in particular, but was the build up of a "slow burn" so to speak, of things I had observed and thoughts I had in general. I've edited and dusted and brushed it off for public consumption. You're welcome.

This may annoy some of you, this may make you nod in agreement. What I *hope* it does, if anything, is make you (the generic you, obviously) think about your community and how you contribute to it.

I'm blessed that my community is filled with supportive and loving people.

Oh, I've always been opinionated. Shocking. I know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the "Sisterhood"

I've been ruminating on this. Being a professional dancer is a business. As a business, you have competition. How does this fit in with the "sisterhood"? It doesn't. Emotions have no place in making solid business decisions. You cannot judge people by their intentions, intentions are useless. You must judge people by their behavior. If their behavior is shady, so might their business practices. If I have a gig, that I have researched, worked on, juggled, scheduled, come to terms with, in other words, developed, and someone comes in and offers to dance for less? That's shady, unethical and even worse, poor business practice that will ultimately sabotage the market for EVERYONE.

Consider this, in the Boston area, the going rate for a restaurant gig has been the same since what, 2005? In every other industry, prices have increased.
If nothing else, consider that even your mascara is more expensive, are you working for the same wage? or are you in effect working for, what, 25% less than you did 5 years ago?

If you have approached someone else's gig, and offered to dance for less than the dancer who regularly perfoms there, you are unprofessional. And you know what? That sort of stuff comes back to you.

If you teach without having learned anything about HOW to teach, about anatomy and how to protect your students until they are able to move themselves safely and are in to make yourself feel good, you are unprofessional and unethical, because you can HURT people.

If you don't wear a proper costume*, you are unprofessional.

If you can't be bothered to take classes, workshops (or practice) to improve your technique, you will not get better and are at risk of isolating yourself from the rest of the dance community.

Note how I did not mention the "sisterhood".

Let us explore the "sisterhood".

My complaint is not with the "sisterhood", my complaint is with disingenuous behavior that some dancers engage in, then cry foul when they are called to task for it. My complaint is with the "student" who debuts professionally under her teacher's wing, then goes in and offers to dance for less, especially when she is aware that the teacher had been struggling with the manager who wanted to cut rates.

Going to a dance class where the teacher does not correct you is akin to say, mmmmmm, going to a class on how to jump from an airplane and having your instructor tell you after you have landed that you had to pull the parachute out at 2500 feet -v- at 250, because that might make you "feel bad"**.

If you are unable to provide constructive criticism, (this may lay more in the realm of teaching, because learning how to give constructive criticism, as well as WHEN to give it is just as important) tell someone that their dancing is technically good (note, I'm keeping it out of the subjective) when it is dangerous or bad technique, you are perpetuating bad dancing and are not a 'sister'. There is NOTHING wrong with saying IF ASKED "I enjoy your musicality, I'm concerned the your not keeping your pelvis in neutral and that you may hurt your lower back, which would shorten how long you can dance."

If you tell someone that a costume is becoming, when it is not*** you are not a sister.

If you allow someone to perform with obvious pinning issues, underwear over belt, poorly adjusted so vitals are exposed, you are not a sister, or a friend.

If you spend your time knocking other dancers, styles or performances, you ARE NOT A SISTER!!!!

*that doesn't mean expensive, it means not showing off your genitalia and or secondary sexual characteristics. You want blunt? No pubic hair, boobs or crack.

**Of course, to most people dance isn't a matter of life or death, but c'mon, I'm exagerating to make the point.

***Straps are too long and make it look as if her boobs are around her waist, belt is too low and shows crack, she looks like a stump, or it in other ways does NOTHING to flatter her, you are not helping her.

Proffessional venues:
Show up on time.
Wear a decent costume (as defined above)
Bring music, not 5 cd's asking for a cut off each, take the time and burn your own sets. you will garner the gratitude of the dj and will not piss anyone off. Bring back ups.
Pin your costumes
If you have an equipment malfunction, do NOT storm off, gracefully accept a change in music if necessary, switch out the cd's, do what you need to do to keep the audience entertained. That's your job.

Dancer venues:
DO NOT SIT IN THE AUDIENCE AND TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER YOU ARE THAN THE OTHER DANCERS! SAVE THE SNARK FOR WHEN YOU GET HOME!
If you cannot follow that, don't go.
Clap and cheer for EVERYONE. This is where you can be a "sister" and help people to work on self esteem issues.
Don't poach other teachers students.
Appreciate the curvy dancer, the thin dancer, the alternative dancer, everyone who shows a love of the artform. You may not like who they are, but in this, they are indeed, your "sister".
Don't knock other styles. All styles have flavor and substance. While you might not appreciate the aesthetic, appreciate that someone took time and effort to put something out there in the universe that isn't negative. If you don't "get it" consider that this is YOUR lack and not that of the dancers.

Cassandra Shore

2011-11-27T20:03:00.000-05:00

Just a short note this time:

I was cleaning my room (I know, I know, glamorous. BUT, you can't practice if you can't find the floor!)

Back to the topic:

I was cleaning my room and as I like to do, I put on some videos or a dvd to keep me company.

I decided that since I was feeling nostalgic for the IAMED award series triggered by my last post, I would start them again, from the First Awards on.

I put on the video and proceeded to start cleaning.

While the First Awards does not have the production values of the subsequent series, there is much to recommend it, despite how dark and out of a focus that it is. (sorry IAMED, I love you, but this one is not well it AT ALL)

So, imagine a dark stage, there must have been only the couple or so spotlights, with a band set up in the back, I don't remember off the top of my head which one it was.

Out comes Cassandra Shore, in a very simple white caftan / galabayesque dress. She begins to dance (not to live music, a cd).

This is NOT your lovely elegant Egyptian stylings.

This is raw.

This is primal.

Strong.

Powerful.

It starts with hand motions, an out of place look on her face.

It builds through some serious head and neck swings, her uber shiny hair (dude, this thing is DARK, her hair gleamed, nonetheless) swinging back, forward, covering her strong face at time. The perfect backdrop.

I can't imagine what it must have been like to have been in the audience that day.

As it was, about 10 years in the future (I think, have to check the dates to be sure) in a poorly lit video, in my bedroom, folding clothes, when the climax of the performance hit, Cassandra, collapsed, on the floor, her hair covering her face and the last notes faded away, I found myself standing in front of the tv, with no memory of having moved away from my bed and taking those steps, so enthralled was I by her amazing and powerful performance.

What a dancer.

Zahra Zuhair

2011-11-20T14:49:00.002-05:00

First, there was the Earth, then there was Evolution. Then there was Creationism, 'cause why mess with a good story?

and THEN I found Bellydance AND learned that I could find and watch dancers on video via the internet.

I eagerly purchased my very first video The Fourth Awards of Belly Dance by IAMED.

In this video, I saw dancing like I hadn't seen before, in all it's glorious varieties. If you've ever been ~~spammed~~ emailed by me, you'll see my signature line is a quote from Roya, Spirit Dancer - "Bellydance is a wondrous multi-facetted jewel that shines differently from each angle that it is seen.
All are equally beautiful, but would not be so without the others. "

But that's a post for another day, what THIS post is about is Zahra Zuhair.

I found many dancers to love from that video, but the ones I wore my first VHS out on was Zahra Zuhair's clip. I'd not seen

1) anyone layer a shimmy over EVERYTHING
2) anyone dance with that level of precision
3) watching someone dance, with the sound OFF, where I could tell what the music was doing
4) someone shimmy so hard that a strand of beads from her belt spontaneously EXPLODED off

The next time I watched a performance of Zahra was also through IAMED, on the 6th Awards. In this one, Zahra does 2 performances: one full folkloric Tunisian and another amazing Oriental piece.

Over the years since then, I have followed her online, fan girling her on www.bhuz.com.

I found out that she was coming to NYC. I quickly calculated budgets, travel and time, I COULD MAKE IT!

So I did!

Traveling to NYC from Boston is not a difficult proposition, even for just a day trip. I bought my ticket on World Wide Bus*, leaving from Newton to Manhattan, express.

It's a 4 hour trip, nicely managed by the company in a comfortable bus, on time, and the staff were not only efficient but polite and pleasant.

I went one of my best friends, teacher and all around fabulous person, Najmat, who makes any trip that much more fun.

We got to Manhattan in plenty of time to walk to the dance studio (seriously, I can't believe just how many nice, friendly and efficient people I met on this one day trip) the studio staff was pleasant, friendly and gracious.

We got there at about 35 - 40 minutes before the start of the workshop. While we sat in the lobby, we listened to the music being practiced to in the studio that was destined to host our workshop, "Boogie Woogie Boogle Boy of Company B"

(as an aside, I've *always* wanted to dance swing. sigh. for that, you need a partner. preferably, one who can lift you)

Anyway, Zahra gets there. I try to contain my squee but fail miserably. IT"S ZAHRA!!!!

(I'm seriously cafeinated at this point since I've had a couple of coffees en route AND a cappucino in NY.) I also met Nasila of LA for the first time, even though we've interacted on bhuz and facebook for yonks (Hi Nasila!!) one of the friendliest and smiliest dancers I've met to date.

So, I babble a bit, identify myself to the workshop organizer, a lovely woman from NY named Samiha who created a great workshop, in a welcoming and caring manner. I really enjoyed meeting her and hope to both hear more from her, and to support her events in the future.

On to the workshop:

Zahra Zuhair One Day Workshop, NYC, November 19, 2011, Sponsored by Samiha Saleh.

1. Location: Caps21 Studio, 18 West 18th St, New York, easy walking distance (on a nice day, middle of snow storm, prolly not, but yesterday was a very nice day) from Penn Station. I really recommend World Wide Bus from Newton (or Cambridge), MA, Easy to navigate website, friendly and competent staff, nice clean bus and no nonsense, you get where you're going in the time you're promised. Of course, high travel, or high traffic will impact your experience, mine was fabulous.

2. Studio: A Proper Dance Studio. Marley flooring, good sound system that appeared to be relatively easy to figure out, nice space, comfortably held about 50 participants. Excellent efficient staff. We completed the workshop, to the finale, exactly at 4 and needed to rush out to accomodate the next group. We were all in the hallway trying to get in a final stretch (participants chose to run the choreo again instead of the final stretch to "cement" it so to speak). The staff graciously offered us an open studio to stretch and "collect" ourselves.

3. Timing: as in starting and ending, perfect. No complaints, whatsoever. I have a pet peeve about timing, my own habitual tardiness notwithstanding. It's a lot easier to be the person who shows up late, than it is to be the organizer who causes people to feel like they're losing money because you charge for the hour and some of that is eaten up by the set up. The warm up was based upon the movements that were going to be done in choreo, very good warm up, got the heart rate going and prepared for the workshop, EXACTLY what it was supposed to do

4. Communication: Sufficient to get me to where I was going. I got my workshop, policies were clearly defined and nothing was ambiguous

5. The Teaching! Finally!: Zahra’s style is completely accessible.

This is NOT something that every teacher can boast. Only a very few (in my experience) are able to assess a mixed group of workshop participants, and to be able suss out visually who and what movements the students can complete and more importantly, what they cannot, so she can break it down from there.

This is an exquisite and difficult to obtain ability. You have to have a clear understanding of not only what the movements actually are (which one could reasonably expect from a workshop teacher) but also how to identify what level the dancer is at. The dancer who is able to complete a hip circle with proper technique AND layer a shimmy, or a dancer who has the hip circle down, but isn’t engaging her core, thus isn’t ready to layer the shimmy over it. AND to break down how to do it so that both of the levels are addressed and you have given each what they need.

This, in my opinion, is the mark of a Master Teacher.

The choreography itself was exquisite. Breaking it down, into its component movements, there are a repetition of maybe 7 or 8 moves and combinations, but put together, with all its variety, it perfectly suited the song, the lyrics, AND could be described as a visual exemplar of the music.

I fervently hope that I am able to remember it, and intend on practicing to this extensively to attempt to remember it.

A trick that Zahra used that I found very interesting and thoughtfully done was to break down the traveling moves with direction changed initially all forward, until the group got it, then to incorporate the directional changes. Worked beautifully.

6. What has it done for my dancing?: There is a particular movement that Zahra does that is something that I’ve always loved: it’s a pelvic accent in (well, it looks like that) turns out that it’s more a psoas tuck with a weight change traveling backwards.

Here’s the cool part: I got it!!! And was able to do it tempo, recreate it today and it has clicked!

Tip: Don’t mention to someone in who’s classes you’ve spent significant time and energy when you have *just* gotten something that they have taught for years. It wasn’t pretty.

Of course, it was Najmat, so it wasn’t terrible either, more like “hey! *I* teach that!”

Seriously though, I’ve encountered more than one student who raves about a move that they were just able to *get* in a way that hadn’t clicked for them before. It has waaaaayyy more to do with where the student is at the time, than it does with the teacher. You (the student) have to be at the right place and development in order to absorb the knowledge. That is *your* responsibility as a student to recognize that.

7. Would I take another workshop from Zahra?

Oh hell yeah!

8. Additional thoughts about Zahra Zuhair as a teacher*:

Very warm and engaging

She knows her anatomy

She is very capable of working a group of students to *their* best level
She has an essence of Arabic music that not everyone has, and translated that to us, so that we could incorporate it into our dance. If we don't, well that's not her fault, is it?

*I’m adding in number 8 to my reviews (as changed from, well, all 1 of them) because I think that it may be an important category, for good or ill, on how the teacher strikes me. It may not matter to you as much, Dear Reader, but it is *my* blog :-)

I’m also going back to my dvd’s to wear the hell out of that chapter.

In Which I Lift Zahra Up And Attempt To Bring Her To Boston. Bodily

What's in a number?

2011-11-02T19:48:00.000-04:00

So, today I read a blog that was commented about in a blog (rather meta, innit?).

The blog is about a dancer who is considered to be overweight and despite this is happy, healthy and seems to be living her dreams. The hard part about something like this is that people nowadays are wedded to the notion that the number on the scale is the end and all and be all of their health.

It's not.

Allow me to explain just WHY it's not.

1. Body Mass Index is not helpful in that the numbers are generalized and only go by weight and height, taking nothing else into account.

Because this is so, even if you are heavy from muscle (muscle weighs more than fat, REQUIRING you to eat more to maintain weight, isn't that useful information now? Pick up heavy things and put them down and you can eat more!) your BMI will be high.

This is why you should ignore it as a measure of health.

2. While we're at it, ignore that number on the scale since it's tied into the myth that the less you weigh, the healthier you are.

3. The more you exercise, consistently, incorporate strength training AND maintain a healthy diet the healthier you will be overall.

your mood improves

your clothes fit better

your not cranky from hunger

your sex life improves

What's not to like?

So forget about dieting, eat sensibly, a variety of foods that appeal to you, some that don't, cause you'll get more vitamins that way, and pick up some heavy things and put them down again, and then stretch those muscles out (because too tight is as bad as too loose).

Do it with a trainer, do it with a friend, LEARN how to do it well and safely and your life will probably improve.

This is an excellent web site to get started, she's smart and knows what she's talking about.

Do. It.

Workshop Review

2011-04-11T13:42:00.000-04:00

OK, I know I haven't updated in a while, but felt the urge to write this up while it was fresh in my mind.

I'm hoping to make it a regular part of the blog, considering that I take workshops regularly, it will give me stuff to write about, at least!

Why workshops? Because it improves your dancing, duh!

Why with different teachers? Because no 2 dance alike. Because you never know what you're going to take away from the workshop, be it a new movement, a new way to listen to music, a new combination, improvement in technique and in the very worst instances... what not to do.

When should you take a workshop? Not as easy to answer, it's different for different people. If you have the income and the means, take as many as you can. Always take the ones that focus on how to interpret the music, because those are the most valuable in my opinion, especially if you're not a native speaker of the language.

Take the technique ones, because even if you think you know everything, you don't. I don't care how long you've been dancing, there is ALWAYS something to learn. Beware the dancer who is overcome by ennui and the sense that she knows everything.

Ok, on the workshop

Yousry Sharif Weekend, Sponsored by Katia of Boston, Lakeville, MA. March 25 and 26, 2011.

1. Location: The Burbs. It's about an hour drive roughly south of Boston, not difficult to actually get to and a pleasant ride. Plenty of places along the road to stop and do a little shopping, if you're into that (I'm not, despite my costume lust, an actual "shopper"). The traffic wasn't bad, since you're headed away from Boston, but in the summer could be difficult since that's when most people actually leave Boston and head out to the Cape and other summery locations. No commuter rail access on the weekends, which sucks if you don't have a car.

2. Studio: almost a proper dance studio, with the exception of the floor, which was linoleum. Hated the floor. luckily I had my little capezio dance slippers (these) *which I LOVE. I also brought my dance sneakers** which turned out to be a good idea for the saidi portion. My only comment , other than the floor, was that it would have been nice to have mirrors on at least 2 sides so that you can check your posture. There was ample parking. The workshop was filled to capacity, there would have been space for maybe one more person, but not 2. I really didn't like the floor, which felt cold and hurt my feet. But coming prepared with shoes and socks and leg warmers made an enormous difference.

3. Timing: as in starting and ending, exquisite. The warm up was a yoga based one conducted by Maisa, which was excellent, even though I arrived both days a bit late and missed the start up.

4. Communication: Excellent as well. Katia made sure that she sent information about every step of the workshop, location, directions, where to eat, etc. There was nothing left to chance and no ambiguity.

5: The Teaching! Finally!: this was NOT a workshop for beginner's. If you did not know how to properly execute a hip drop, there was no stopping and explaining. You either got it, or you didn't. I can't repeat enough, there was no breakdown. You should keep this in mind in the event that you want to attend one of these workshops, you will work hard. There will be no stopping for breaking movements down. You should study the basics and have them firmly under your hip belt in order to get the choreography, because THAT is the focus. Yousry did stop and explain when he wanted a certain look to a movement. For example, there was one portion of the song that is very slow and dramatic and the choreography calls for head and chest movements together. Obviously, you can do this in multiple ways, but he explained when the group was doing more just head movements that the feel of the movement wasn't static and required more emotion and emphasis, not just percussive head flinging (fun as that often is).

The choreography itself was incredibly thoughtful. There are accents and combinations that until you have listened to the music eleventy billion times you will not understand. As a person who knows that choreography is not my friend, I had to stop listening with my head, and only listen with my body. I couldn't intellectualize the choreo because then it didn't make sense to me. I had to do it, and AFTER (waaaayyyyy after) did it make sense to my mind.

There was a trick that Yousry used on the second day that I thought was BRILLIANT! Sooooo goooooooooddd that I'm hesitant to share it, I will, and hope I haven't stepped on any toes.

Throughout the weekend, there had been breaks for one side of the room to do the combinations, then the other side, then all together. At one time, he asked us to tag team, in other words, one side the choreo up until the music changed and then the other side did the next section. It forced you to think about what they were doing while listening to the music and anticipate the change so that you were there to catch it as it changed. For me, it created a dynamic thinking process which bypassed all my issues with choreography and made me think about the music and accents in a way that worked for me so I could participate and get it right.

6. What has it done for my dancing?: Well, I've made some breakthroughs with choreography. Given the different ways that I was forced to listen to the music in the workshop and experience the dancing (that of myself and others) it's made me a more thoughtful dancer. Of course, it's been just about 2 weeks, and I have the attention span of a gnat, so we'll see if it holds.

Has it improved my technique? Not really. My technique is pretty solid, and it wasn't a technique workshop anyway. It *did* work on my emoting during dance. When I perform, I'm an entertainer and have stuck to happy sunshiny performances (for the most part) this made me incorporate the mood changes in one single dance which was reminiscent of a mood disorder. This is not necessarily a bad thing when you are entertaining. I can see using this piece in several ways.

Would I take another workshop from Yousry? Absolutely. And you should too.

* These I bought as an intermediary between dance sneakers and ballet slippers for class. I started out with the ballet slippers, but since they didn't have as much arch support, they didn't keep my feet from pronating, which aggravates my knees. These give me enough support, are flexible enough so that I can still get a good point and arch that are visible when practicing, have suede soles so good for turning and are very light, so easy to carry around. The are not any good for high impact, but anything with low impact, this is an excellent shoe. I like these so much I bought them in "caramel" which is a much better match for my yellowish skin tone than "nude", cause seriously, who is clamshell pink anyway?

** My dance sneakers are MUCH better at higher impact (like Saiidi) and if you're going to spend a substantial amount of time on releve. Mine also have a "turn spot" which makes, obviously, turns a bit easier, less torque on the knees, more turning from core power. You can easily just almost think turn and you've done a pirouette.

How to Shop for a Costume on the Web

2011-01-17T21:00:00.001-05:00

Or: how NOT to go broke and/or crazy in the pursuit of the perfect costume

First, before ANYTHING else, WHY do you want a costume?

Is there a special event? What is the event? Who is your audience? What type of venue?

Are you performing at a hafli?

If you’re performing at a hafli, and don’t already have a costume, chances are you are a new performer of Middle Eastern Dance. On the other hand, chances are also that your audience will be other dancers, of mixed levels and abilities.

Arguably, the most difficult audience to dance for. There will be dancers who know Middle Eastern dance AND music. There may be members of the general public scattered here and there in the audience.

What is your intention? Mainly, of course, to provide a good show, to learn something but above all to DANCE and to have fun. Do you need a high end blinged out costume for this?

No.

Does that mean that you shouldn’t have one?

Also, no.

What it does mean is that you really shouldn’t spend the money on one as the high end blinged out costumes are a business expense. Seriously. You buy them as a business expense, the depreciate over time and one should reasonably expect to gain a return on the expense. Which you will not do in a hafli.

Can you perform at a hafli, dance and have fun without one? Of course you can.

However, costuming is half the fun of this dance form. So what does it mean?

Well, let’s take a look at haflis, shall we?

Most of the time, haflis are put on by teachers who are looking to promote the dance, provide a place for their students to perform and a place to entertain themselves and others.

A teacher could arguable use a hafli as a vehicle to showcase a professional costume and make a return off of it, thus validating the purchase.

A student, or non pro could use this opportunity to showcase newly learned skills and to practice performing for others. Costumes for this should be above all, well fitting.

However, that means having a modicum of ability to alter anything that you buy.

What are good hafli costumes?

Well, again, it depends. Above all, the costumes should showcase YOU as the dancer.

Most often, your dance style will dictate what your costume is based on. Tribal dancer? Caberet? Oriental?

Doesn’t really matter, if your style says you wear a minimalist costume, well, that’s what you go for: if it’s an ornamented accented style, well that’s what you go for.

Since this is taking much longer than I expected, there is a part II. Probably III… and yes, probably IV…

What? Costuming is important!!!

Also, to be added to my newsletter, please email at jemileh@gmail.com

Gearing up for the MassRaqs Festival

2010-10-12T08:42:00.000-04:00

MassRaqs is the very newest festival on the East Coast, organized and produced by Meiver, an amazing dance artist.

Getting ready:

One of the most important things for me to when I’m thinking about a stage show (and dancing for dancers, which is arguably the scariest kind of dancing, more on that later) is picking music.

There are songs that speak to you, and the language is Universal. Yes, most of the music that I listen to is Arabic. No I don’t actually speak Arabic, BUT after 10 odd years of listening to it, you’d kind of have to be deaf to not at least learn the basics of musical Arabic.

Habibi? = sweetheart

Ouyun = eyes (of) as in Ouyun Bahaia = eyes of Bahaia

Wahashtini = I miss you

And let’s not forget the ever popular buliz (as in Mohammed Shahin’s description of the lyric of a song that says buliiiiiiiiz!!!!!! (please w/ a heavy Egyptian accent)

Ok, it’s not that popular, but it’s awesome so I had to throw it in there.

So, Daret Al Ayam by Oum Kalthoum. (The days have gone by).

This song haunts me, and has haunted me for the past 2 years. I love it, it brings me to my knees.

Through the generosity of my friends, I’ve been able to hear the full song which is about 45 minutes long. It does make a difference when you what instrument is substituting for the singer’s voice when you are dancing to the music. If you know that the ney is simulating the voice, and you know what the lyrics are it can make a huge difference in your dance, as well as adding texture and dimension.

And isn’t it about making the music come alive for your audience? Aren’t you trying to “be” the music? Full apologies to Aziza, whose catchphrase that is. But it’s apt.

So I listened to the music since July, over and over again. Since I love the song, I have about 15 versions of different portions of it. I finally settled on section III the song on Nesma Al Andalus' album, Memories of Cairo

(Album is also available on emusic)

And I submitted my choice to the organizer, at absolutely the very last minute (so sorry!). Who promptly responded “noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!” and said that there were already 2 others (her included) who had chosen this song.

I thought feverishly.

Aha! What if the other dancer was dancing to another VERSION of the song? Meiver (the organizer) was dancing 2 whole days away! With all due respect to the audience, it’s a 45 minute song, and we’re radically different dancers! It’s improv anyway! (for me at any rate) Meiver replies that it’s from the same album.

Are you kidding? Who else spends endless hours trolling the internet for new and interesting variations of music? Why a whole bunch of other dancers, you (me) idiot!

Meiver graciously decided to scrap her plans to dance to it.

I asked the question of the other dancer. I waited for TWO whole days for her to get back to her computer, since she apparently has a life outside of it (who new?).

She planned on dancing to section I, which saved my butt and graciously agreed that I could dance to section III.

I had purchased a costume during the summer, that had been on hold for me forever. A mango yellow eman, that was luscious and sparkly. Not sparkly enough so I bought a bunch of crystals in yellow orange and red and stuck them on to the bra cup and to the top of the skirt to give some dimension to the color.

I also bought my very first Shibori Borealis veil http://www.etsy.com/transaction/33367660 , which if you are a silk veil aficionado is like buying a Mercedes. The car that is, not the dancer (I crack myself up sometimes). In glowing fire colors.

Usually I do nothing with my hair, but I decided to buy these lovely, lovely silk flowers, also in fire colors from theesfield’s calico garden designs. http://www.etsy.com/transaction/33367719

Being me, with my complete inability to imagine dimensions, I thought 5 inches would be too small, so I bought 2. Cause you know, my head can support 10 whole inches of flower.

Yeah, I wound up wearing just one, which covered about half the side of my head.

Maybe my head is freakishly small?

No.

I can say that it’s not.

So can my mom.

And I have enough hair for 2 (very small headed) people. Ok, maybe just one. But that’s not the point, is it!

Stop arguing with me!

Anyway….

I had also reserved a room at a dance studio which is awesome and had been practicing.

There is something about undirected practice that totally sucks. For me, anyway. I can’t seem to focus.

I would pick one combination that I wanted for the music and drill it.

When dancing to the music, I’d forget to put it in.

Frustrating? A tad.

I am blessed, as I’ve said, in my friends. And she knows who she is who gave me an hour of her time to watch, critique and immeasurably improve my performance.

Eventually get everything together, have an attack of nerves decide I never want to dance again, lose my cool and temper all over the place and then the day comes.

I’m in the audience, witnessing an amazing recitation of Boston in it’s heyday of Middle Eastern dance, with this wonderful woman describing her life. It was amazing.

I was of course, too nervous to really forget that I was shortly going to perform, but it was close. Very close.

I look around the audience to the enraptured dancers and their friends who had come and think to myself, what a wonderful testament to the work and the dreams of the organizer that these people have come and given of themselves to this endeavor of hers.

I see Bozenka. My heart stops.

I’m going to dance in front of BOZENKA!!!

She’s been one of my dance crushes since way back when, waaaaayyyyyyy before she was a ever a part of the BDSS. When there were just a few clips of her on the web, which I linked to and treasured.

I cheered when I heard that she joined the BDSS.

I promptly paid for 2 hours of private instruction when she was last in town, despite some compelling reasons for not leaving home.

I was terrified.

During intermission, she left the room.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

I get changed, wait my turn while these amazing women were getting ready to perform, sadly missing most of the show.

It’s my turn.

The music starts.

Dude. There was a hellalotta space to try to cover to get close to where the audience could see me.

I steptogetherstepped in giant leaps to get there (it felt like)

I start.

I see my friends.

I smile.

I dance.

I think about the love in the room, and there was lots.

For me. For my friends. For the audience.

I turn.

There’s Bozenka.

I grin, because what the hell else am I gonna do?

I finish my performance.

I (gracefully, I hope) pick up my veil and leave the stage.

I cry.

Because if you’re me, you put 2 months of rehearsals, 2 months of work, 2 months of emotion into those few minutes of performance, allowing it to build to a crescendo that you have just released.

And sometimes you feel empty. You feel that space, that empty space that should be filled, but isn’t. You know that there will be no one to help you pick apart your show. No one to tell you how the audience reacted to that bit that you worked so hard on. No one who will know that you spent 2 months working on that transition, 2 months agonizing over whether you are doing the song justice, whether you adequately conveyed what you meant to.

But your friends are there; who love you and make sure you know it. So nothing else to do but wipe up the tears and get changed back to civvies, and go back out there.

Update: Back to Basics

2010-09-17T20:43:00.000-04:00

Soooooo, despite the objections of one person in particular (and you know who you are, Najmat!) who shall remain nameless, I went to the beginner's class last night.

I was delighted to see that I was not the only dancer there who also was not a beginner.

I. Loved. It.

It's exactly what I need right now. A place to focus on working those areas where I learned bad habits and trying to rid myself of them. (are you listening, right hand? I'm coming for you!)

It's hard to describe. It's almost like a feeling of homecoming. You know you love the place, you're happy there and you have plan for the future... But that wall wants painting, that room would look better with a little molding, maybe re-do the bathroom...

So, REHAB!!!!

Excellent.

I'm rehabbing myself as a dancer. Hopefully, by the end of it, I'll come out a stronger dancer with at least a better sense of my own personal space and having bested that damn right hand!!!!

*while also wanting to focus on those shoulders, that tendency to tuck my chin into my neck, to close my eyes, to to to...

Back to Basics

2010-09-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

Back to Basics

So, a dear friend and mentor has finally (hallelujah!) secured a space to teach regular, on-going beginner dance classes.

On a night that I am available!

Kind of. With school and stuff, it’s a sacrifice of homework time. But who cares about homework when you can dance!!!

So. I’ve been dancing in this particular form for about 10 years now.

During that time, I’ve taken classes throughout, with one year off.

After M passed, I literally spent the first year going to work 5 days a week, bikram yoga 3 days a week and the rest of the time in bed.

I’m not kidding.

I did spend probably about 6 hours up on the weekend. That’s about it

But this is not a blog post about that, it’s a blog post about dance.

I’m blessed in my family and friends. While my family struggled to find ways to help me (and they did, more than I can probably tell them) my friends, separately and together looked for lifelines.

One of them, Najmat, threw me one, and insisted that I take it. If you’ve ever experienced being one of Najmat’s targets, you’ll understand what this means.

You grab that lifeline, and you don’t let go, because she’ll swim back to you, tie it around you, start dragging you, then it’ll leave a mark and where will you be?

Gasping for breath, laying on a dock, with a great big mark on your tummy, that’s where. With her yelling at you.

No, better to just meekly grab your line and go where you’re told.

Yeah.

Me.

Meek.

This, is the power of Najmat.

So I started taking her beginner classes again. It got me out of bed, up and dancing. Until her series ended, it made me move, I felt better, life improved.

Slowly.

Very, very slowly.

But it did.

So now, this powerhouse is teaching a beginner series again, in the same place. On a night that I’m free. In a place I can get to.

So, guess where I’m going to be?

Yup.

Now, why would I do another beginner series?

Because taking a beginner class when you have already, presumably, mastered the basics does nothing but improve those basics.

As a dancer, you have to constantly evaluate yourself. You must review what you do well, and more importantly, review what you do… not so well.

I want to work on my posture (a never ending battle, drove Amira Jamal batty, but she fixed me!).

I need to work on my arms, both strength and grace.

I need to work on my traveling steps.

Can I do this in intermediate or advanced classes? Yes. But I get sidetracked by that awesome new combination and in my quest to achieve that, I forget to keep an eye on my posture, arms, etc.

So, it’s a discipline thing.

When I’m practicing on my own, I try. But it’s not the same as having someone re-directing you.

I’m struggling to find the words here…

A good dancer will always take classes. The day that you stop taking classes is the day that you stop progressing as a dancer.

Going to basics does nothing to diminish you as a dancer, and does everything to improve you.

Take a moment, go watch a dvd or youtube of a dancer that you admire.

I’ll wait.

What did you notice? Did you watch her amazing combinations? How about her fabulous shimmies?

Did you see her slouch? Did the lines of her arms break at the wrist? Did she watch the floor? How about her feet? Was she planted into the ground, or did she seem to glide?

The marks of a good dancer are not found in advanced classes.

They’re in the basics.

How will you play?

2010-08-25T09:49:00.000-04:00

"Your playing small does not save the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Wilson

I'm working on it.

Many people know that my partner passed away 2 years ago (exactly 2 years ago yesterday. Some people know how that has affected me.

Well, apparently one of the added extra benefits of grieving is that you (generic) lose self confidence. While I loved performing, I always suffered from stage fright, sometimes awful.

Now, I'm just afraid, all the time.

Coming out of hiatus, I'm working on that. I'm working on not "playing small" I'm working on making a wonderful show for those who have believed in me and have supported me over the past several years.

It's an abyss, really, grief. It sucks you in, and there is very little to hang on to that will help you pull yourself out.

M loved my dancing and worked on helping me to become a better dancer. He (an amazing individual in his own right) would work with me on learning from my performances. He taught me to be more open, to let go, to show the audience what I was feeling and to allow myself to be vulnerable to people.

There was no mistake that shortly after the start of our relationship, my dancing changed in ways that I liked and worked on promoting.

I know he is always with, and I remind myself:

"Misery is a poor memorial for a great love. "

I'd give credit for the quote, but I can't remember where I got it from.

So now I'm changing, or have changed, not really sure. I think my dancing has changed as well. We'll see how well it goes playing it LARGE.

You should read this

2010-08-21T21:41:00.001-04:00

http://www.gildedserpent.com/cms/2010/08/15/shema-medusa-dualities-part-1/

Seriously.

Do it.

Now.

Who're you dancing for?

2010-08-18T11:50:00.000-04:00

Two years ago, this would have been an easy question to answer.

Obviously, you dance for your audience, you are there as an entertainer. Therefor your job is to entertain your audience.

Duh.

Well.

Over the past couple of years during my hiatus, I've had the opportunity to think about this. well, Frankly, during my hiatus when I haven't been actively banging my head against anything and everything, I've thought about it.

Yes, a performer is an entertainer, when you have your audience there who is there to be entertained. As a belly dancer, we tend to be in situations where, despite our best efforts, we are a complement to the hummus, and adjunct to the atmosphere, in some cases, THE atmosphere.

In those situations, were you to bust out in High Art, your audience is befuddled, confused, wondering, really, WTF?

That's not what they came for.

In a concept show, for example, Raks Spooki, which is presented annually by Badrya Al Badia, a Gothic Belly Dance performance show, the audience is more specialized. It's comprised, for the most part, of folks who enjoy both aesthetics.

Therefor, one's artistic license as a performer is greater. As a performer, you can explore your art, twist and turn and see if it works in this context.

Art, by it's nature, isn't always pretty. It can be dark, painful, gut wrenching and difficult to perform, difficult to watch.

As a performer, are you entitled to put your audience through that when you present a show?

I dunno, frankly.

Two years ago, I danced for joy. I danced through family issues, personal issues, anger, rage, pain, happiness, caring, affection, etc.

In Spring, by long standing invitation, I danced at Shimmies for the Cure, Quattro.

I performed to a song by Omar Faruk Tekbelik.

Below is a recounting:

The worst that can happen? I disgrace myself publicly tonight and never appear in public again.So Saturday...

Had completely neglected to practice despite my best intentions. I *had* been listening to the song exhaustively, so I knew as much of it as a person should if they are going to perform to one... you know, listening to the song for so long you think that one more rendition of it is going to make you throw up? no matter how beautiful, lovely, rhythmic, melodic, it become puke inducing?

Yeah.

Still, it's a beautiful, beautiful song.

Had bought a costume to go with that lovely, lovely purple ombre veil from Audra Evans. It's very lightweight, more so than I'm used to. My veil tends to.... well, when I dance veil I...

Let's just say that it's been called "power veil" and that is an apt description.

I treat my veil as a dance partner and really can't be bothered to do tricks with it. I like to make pictures in the air and I often use it percussively.

So the veil I bought is probably 5 mm, when I'm used to 7 or 8. All this meant that I had to move slower with it, as moving too fast would have just made it become a strip, instead of the full expanse.

So I'm home, in my living room which has not seen any practice from me since I moved in here (November, 09).

I have on the bra of the costume which I'd adjusted the night before to make sure I could move in it. Exercise pants, black of course. the veil is 4 yards longs. small living room. new song.

NERVES.

Cue manic miniature schnauzer who is completely in LOVE with the new toy mami brought out for her to play with!!!!

Yeah. I wound up hitting the side of the molding on the entry to the dining room so hard that I'm still not convinced I didn't break anything.

Manic Mini schnauzer got trapped in her carrier which was then suspended off a chair so that I could finish. You should have seen her when I started practicing with the skirt on (to make sure it didn't fall off).

Run late, because I have to adjust the skirt.

Get there, still late, work on getting make up on, (poor organizer had to manage her ENTIRE first act who are all busy putting on make up and the dressing room is across the street instead of in the same building and up 8 floors, making it much harder to tell who was ready and who wasn't).

(reminder, coordinating dancers is something akin to herding cats.)

forgot my cover up, had to buy one last minute to sit with bff and not melt into a puddle of goo.

am 4th dancer in, get out there, do my thing....

When I perform, I make eye contact. Especially with friends in the audience, and try to make everyone feel comfortable and like to try to make sure people are having a good time.

My song was pretty repetitive, and chairs were set into a round, with the dancing space in the center, so I tried to acknowledge all areas, with similar movements.

Got into the meat of the song, and there were moments when I was no longer aware of where the music began and I ended... I kept going, doing what I do... and I swear that there were moments that I connected with M. That he could see me and that he was there. That he loved what I was doing, and I could almost feel him reaching to me.

N uncannily took a picture in a moment that I swear that we were reaching towards each other...

I tried looking into the audience... bff was sobbing. friends were tearful, people I don't know were wiping their eyes... I wound up doing what I haven't in a long time and start looking over people heads because there was just so much emotion that it was overwhelming.

And I *know* there were several portions of the song that I did with my eyes completely shut.

I don't really remember what I did while I was dancing, but I DO remember hitting the ending Exactly where it should have been.

I stood for a moment, in the ending pose. took a bow, grabbed my veil (probably less than gracefully) and ran.

I ran straight into the ladies room, not acknowledging anyone, just needed to get somewhere quiet, and private where I could... fall apart.

ALL stalls occupied.

Collapsed there, with someone's arms around me, and started keening. These horrible sounds that I didn't know could come from my throat, and I thought I'd heard all the sounds I could make while crying.

I was lost.

To what was around me, who was around me, and all I could feel was that hole, where he had been.

Eventually get ahold of myself, realize that it was Baseema that was holding me, hug her back, am the recipient of random hugs from women in the bathroom.

N comes in with tissues, but I can't hug her because between her blinged out Eman and my costume, we'd have gotten stuck and there would have been no prying us apart...

Get ahold of myself, get out there and socialize and spend some time with BFF and the boy, who came to see me dance. BFF was sobbing throughout my performance and it took awhile for her to get ahold of herself.

During intermission, go get changed and come back and mc'd the second half.

Aftermath:

well. it wasn't a pleasant experience for me. Bff, who doesn't dance, but has been coming to performances of mine since my first recital (see why she's bff?) first words to me were "couldn't you have warned me?".

I have gotten a number of very nice comments and personal messages both thanking me for the performance and inquiries about my teaching.

Couldn't have been too bad, right?

Still, pretty raw performance, both for myself and the audience.

Pretty costume and veil, though, hunh?

So, in summary (hello!!!! are you still there?) I broke one of my own rules. When you dance to entertain, entertain, don't use your performance to massage your ego, manage your emotions, or to work things through. That's what studio time is for.

High concept Art, etc, should be kept to a forum where it belongs. And it will be appreciated for what it is making both artist and viewers/participants happy.

I hereby apologize to those who I inflicted with this performance (let along those who suffered through this (and other) blog posts.

Dance happy, people.

Costuming

2010-08-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

Soooooo, for those of you who don't know me well...

I...

have a problem.

I like costumes.

That may be an understatement.

I love costumes. I love the hunt for the perfect costume. I love looking at it, seeing what accessories might work with it, envisioning the performance for it, matching it to the perfect veil...

I love looking at something like this. and thinking about what music would work for it (yearning, off one of the BDSS volumes, for example) this costume is a poem. It's black lace overlaying a red base, then heavily encrusted in red, silver, black and hematite beads, which is what the fringing is made of as well.

Doing that song, with my silk fans (not the uber long ones that are the rage right now, but shorter ones, with just a silk ruffle) to dramatically accent the music...

With large silver or black hoops, hair pulled back, not tightly, since that doesn't really suit me, but in a loose, enormouse bun sitting just above my neck, accented with red roses...

silver bangles, dozens of them, to jingle and add their own accent to the music.

Yeah.

I see a picture like this, and that's what runs through. It's not just a costume, it's a total image, evoking the entire performance, brooding, dramatic and dark.

How am I supposed to resist them when I can see the amazing performance they will inspire?

So I wind up buying them. And hunting down those accessories. Hopefully, I'll put them together in a performance at some point.

So a friend calls me up. She's going to be in a performance, and she needs a costume. She's gotten comfortable with the knowledge that if she calls me up, and tells me what she needs, I'll rummage through the Costume Files and come up with something for her.

So I did. :-)

The Journey is the Destination

2010-08-14T09:49:00.000-04:00

Excerpt from the book I'm currently reading on Creativity: The Widening Stream, the Seven Stages of Creativity by David Ulrich. (reading because Badrya al Badia recommended it)

-If we remain mindful of the dictum "the journey is the destination", then we embark on this path primarily to learn and explore life's many truths, not merely to accomplish something and produce objects. As the poet Rilke advises: "try to love the questions themselves." The answers are never as important as the questions. What are the questions that grow out of the core of our lives?-

As I am returning from my long hiatus, this has been a passage that provides some light and some help in managing the complex emotions that the journey is engendering in me as a dancer.

I went into the studio last week to practice my performance piece, and I was very humbled by my body screaming at me "are you kidding? you haven't moved me this way outside of class in forever! you really think that I'm just going to do that move? HA! watch this!"

my body is very articulate.

also, annoying.

it also said "how ya like me now, biznitch!?" the following day while reminding me that yes, indeed, I can haz delayed onset muscle soreness! Oh, yes I can!"

and sounds an awful lot like Dane Cook.

Dammit.

But I digress...

Put on the music to my performance piece and tried to dance to that amazingly lovely music by Oum Kalthoum...

Not a bit of it. No inspiration, nothing.

Meh.

The nice part of rental space is that really, there is nothing else for you to do actually DO there other than what you went there to do. At home, I have 2 cats, they always need something done to them, a puppy, books, as if I were planning on opening my own library, tv, computer, dvd's galore, literally dozens of things I could do.

Not in a rental space.

So I decided that I would just go right back to beginner's class.

I worked on getting into good dance posture. I've gotten so lazy. Before, I would work on it constantly, not just in practice but in absolutely every day life. Standing at the copy machine once, a co worker walked by and remarked that my posture was perfect. Of course, he had no idea that I was actively working on it in the moment that he went by.

I worked on lifting my rib cage decently to give me that nice line.

I went back to my very first class (that I taught) "this is your hip" and working on range of motion.

Did this for a good 45 minutes, hip slides, side, forward, back. over and over again. then adding a shimmy when they looked ok.

Worked on rib cage slides as well.

Texted my dance teacher (Najmat) in a moment of complete and utter frustration (before doing this stuff) and asked her what I should work on. She immediately texts me back the bane of my existence "hand and arms!"

So I work on this as well, and added some interesting arm paths, interesting only because I've managed to thoroughly pull and injure an obscure rotator cuff muscle (sub scapularis) and I have little range of motion on the left.

After about an hour, I pull out my song again, and, it's too hard. I look awful, I can't capture the subtlety of the movement that I'm going for.

Pull out my ipod, pull up my playlist of all the different versions of this song that I have, tuck it into my sports bra, and start listening to it...

The last 20 minutes of my practice, while I didn't dance well, at least I danced to it.

And in the morning, on the train, as I was listening to the song again on my playlist, I had some ACTUAL IDEAS! I could see where an arabesque should go, how this section should be danced to, and, and how one's hip should flick UP to mark that musical accent....

It was all I could do keep it to a gentle sway on the train to match the rhythms of the car...

And at home, as the music was running through my head, I was walking down my short hallway towards my living room and playing the music in my head and as I envisioned the arabesque in the train, I did in the hallway... ran into the Boy, who looked very startled and asked if I was trying to fly away?

So at least the arabesque looked the way I wanted it to look, although I do want it to look a tad more grounded, as there is a hip accent at the end of it...

Jemileh Nour

On Energy

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”~Jill Bolte Taylor

On the Sisterhood of Dance

Cassandra Shore

Zahra Zuhair

What's in a number?

Workshop Review

How to Shop for a Costume on the Web

Gearing up for the MassRaqs Festival

Update: Back to Basics

Back to Basics

How will you play?

I'm working on it.

Many people know that my partner passed away 2 years ago (exactly 2 years ago yesterday. Some people know how that has affected me.

Well, apparently one of the added extra benefits of grieving is that you (generic) lose self confidence. While I loved performing, I always suffered from stage fright, sometimes awful.

Now, I'm just afraid, all the time.

Coming out of hiatus, I'm working on that. I'm working on not "playing small" I'm working on making a wonderful show for those who have believed in me and have supported me over the past several years.

It's an abyss, really, grief. It sucks you in, and there is very little to hang on to that will help you pull yourself out.

M loved my dancing and worked on helping me to become a better dancer. He (an amazing individual in his own right) would work with me on learning from my performances. He taught me to be more open, to let go, to show the audience what I was feeling and to allow myself to be vulnerable to people.

There was no mistake that shortly after the start of our relationship, my dancing changed in ways that I liked and worked on promoting.

I know he is always with, and I remind myself:

"Misery is a poor memorial for a great love. "

I'd give credit for the quote, but I can't remember where I got it from.

So now I'm changing, or have changed, not really sure. I think my dancing has changed as well. We'll see how well it goes playing it LARGE.

You should read this

Who're you dancing for?

Costuming

The Journey is the Destination

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”
~Jill Bolte Taylor